WHAT DOES MOVING ON REALLY MEAN?
IS MOVING ON JUST A MYTH?
It's said that almost 86% of the entire human population doesn't entirely move on from a loss. Shocking right?
And we can all agree when I say that " Moving on from someone/something we truly loved is so damn hard".
And you are here because you have tried everything you can but the scar just won’t heal? And sometimes it gets so frustrating that we start questioning if we could ever move on?
What does moving on even mean?!
Stick till the end of the article and you would have the answer to this question.
So, What does moving on really mean?
All these points are just explaining what it means to be “moved on”. If you are seeking to find out how you could move on from a heartbreak, there’s only one solution to this and that is : To go through grief. That is a whole other topic.
So, What does moving on really mean?
1) TRULY ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP HAS ENDED:
So how do you accept the fact that someone you cared so much for isn’t around anymore?
“Truly accepting” as in losing all hope of them coming back to us.This is the hardest part. Especially if you are a person like me, if you are a dreamer, you are full of faith and hope and secretly at the back of your mind, you are waiting for them to come running back to you so you can live your hypothetical fantasy.
Letting go of the idea of what could have been. Stop fighting for a future with them that “is never ever going to happen” because the more you fight for them, the more you losing yourself.
“Nothing is worth losing yourself over”
NOTE: Achieving this might take some time depending on the person. If you are hurt badly, you would have to go through pain and suffering and the whole grieving process to get here. Putting on a fake smile and pretending to the world that everything is perfect might just prolong this process.
2) YOU CAN LIVE HAPPILY WITHOUT CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT THEM OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
This doesn’t mean that you have to control your thoughts and pretend that you have moved on. This is a state that you get to, when you have gone through grief. When you have finally accepted the fact that the relationship is no more.
When you get here, you would have stopped stalking them. You would have stopped dreaming about them. You would stop calling or texting them. This is like an after effect of accepting that things have ended.
This is like “Flushing them out of your system”
NOTE : This doesn't mean forgetting. Trying to forget leads to denial which would just prolong the process of moving on. Which brings us to the next point.
3) EMBRACING WHAT YOU HAD:
I can say for sure that you have moved on if you can look at the old pictures and reminisce on the fond memory rather than feeling sad or angry or breaking down.
In this stage, you’ll actually be happy for them if they are in a great relationship. You will not want to throw the ring into the ocean nor would you cry looking at a special gift they gave you. You would smile and think of the fond memories. You will just embrace what you had without any negative emotions like anger, sadness or frustration.
NOTE: Try think of a special moment that you spent with your ex. Is there a pain in your heart? Does that memory scare you? Do you feel uncomfortable even thinking about it? Is there tears in your eyes? It’s alright. There is no hurry! It takes years for some people. One day, you’ll get there.
4) FORGIVING THEM FOR BREAKING YOUR HEART
Now if you find it hard to embrace what you had, it’s probably because you have a lot of negative feelings bottled up towards them. And trust me, this is one of the biggest reasons people don’t move on.
Now I have written a whole other article on this which might help you with forgiving them. Read about forgiveness
5) LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF:
If you go to therapy, they would tell you this one thing :
“You do not need your partner to feel good about yourself - to love yourself”
And it is true that when we are in an emotionally invested relationship,some of us might forget how to live alone and love ourself when they are not around. You are all that you need to be happy in this world. Learn to be alone. Learn to be happy in this world without a need for anyone to fix you.
WHAT ISN'T MOVING ON:
1) FORGETTING ISN'T MOVING ON.
A lot of people think that moving on is forgetting all that happened and being able to walk ahead without being hooked to the past memories.But the fact is :
"You cannot forget but you can accept"
Have you ever tried to forget something traumatic? Does it even work? And for those people who said “yes”, you must have gotten pretty good at denial?
2) PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY ISN’T MOVING ON
Pretending to be happy to make our sorrows disappear when you are actually drowning inside.
" Denial doesn't heal the scar"
So yeah, healing. Going through grief? Is that what moving on is?
" Moving on is going through the grief process and truly accepting the fact that you have actually lost that person/dream"
3) JUMPING INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP:
Alot of people immediately jump into another relationship after their breakup. This give you an illusion of moving on to the people around you and you feel good cause your new partner treats you better than your ex but this doesn’t help you to move on. If anything, you will just delay the grief process and you do not heal the scar.
And trust me, bottled up feelings will come back to bite us.
HERE'S MY ADVICE FOR YOU
"Nothing is worth losing yourself over"
Also remember " Whatever doesn't kill you make's you stronger"
Hope this article helped you! Share it with people who might need this and if you guys need anyone to talk to, I am here 🙂